When is the last time you told a client no? Better yet, when’s the last time you told your boss no?
Maybe I’ve just worked with freakishly nice people in the past 20 years, but I rarely hear the word no spoken to a client or stakeholder. People are just too nice—especially if you’re a project manager, a business owner, or you head up the service arm of an organization. You want your client to have a good experience with you. You want them to be happy with the end result (and work with you again!).
But the downside is if we don’t learn to say no in a clear and constructive way to clients, key stakeholders, and...yes...even bosses, then we’ll do a huge disservice to our time, our team’s time, and even the end product.
You Can Say No
So, how can we say no in a way that doesn’t throw up barriers and allows projects to stay on track?
An Agreement: Grownups Working Together
It seems obvious, but we often forget that an agreement is when two or more parties decide to work together to accomplish a goal that no one party can achieve on their own.
Read that again. This statement is foundational to the rest of this post.
Regardless of whether an agreement is a formal signed contract or a simple email confirmation, it signifies that the two parties need each other to accomplish an objective.
The client or sponsor is the driver, who has brought resources together to accomplish the goal you’re managing. But, despite this fact, you were not hired to be a yes person. (If you were, then stop reading right now and go find another job. You’re in an unhealthy situation!)
Presumably, you were hired to direct and maintain progress toward the overall goal.
You Define the Lanes
The client is in the driver’s seat, but you create the lanes. So now, let’s assume you have an agreement between professionals who acknowledge the different skill sets needed to execute a project and you’re on point to get this project done.
If that’s the case, then your goal is to keep the client in the driver’s seat but within the lanes you have defined.
It’s like when I give my kids choices. In the morning, I don’t ask my five-year-old daughter “What do you want to wear today?” If I asked her that on a cold winter morning, she’d choose a flouncy pink skirt and tank top. I can’t leave her options that wide open!
Rather, I ask her, “Which of these pants and long-sleeved shirts do you want? And which of these socks?”
She’s still in the driver’s seat, but I’m giving her choices that align with our primary goal: get her to school on time and avoid catching pneumonia.
It’s the same with stakeholders. If your job is to accomplish certain goals, then you need to protect those goals by giving stakeholders clear options that respect their roles in the project but also keep the project on task.
3 Scenarios for Saying No & How to Do It Right
Here are three scenarios outlining how you can define lanes and say no to stakeholders in healthy and productive ways.
Scenario 1: The Scope-Creeper
If a client asks for something new or out of scope and you think it’ll impact the timeline, don’t just say “Yes” or make up an arbitrary deadline on the spot.
Instead, be transparent and say:
“That may impact our timeline, but I don’t have enough information to know for certain. I’ll review this with the team and get back to you about next steps by COB tomorrow. Then, you can decide whether you want to proceed.”
This response is an example of proactive, transparent, and actionable communication. It helps you avoid agreeing to something that will derail your project, but it still keeps the client in the driver’s seat.
You can then come back the next day with something like:
“OK, we can do that. But in order to do so, we will need to push the delivery out three weeks and increase the cost by $5,000. Or we could roll that into a phase 2 after we launch the original product. How would you like to proceed?”
With this type of conversation, you act as a partner in the process—not blindly saying yes to the detriment of your own team, but also not putting up walls by simply saying no.
Scenario 2: The Ideator
Ideators both amaze and frustrate me because they probably have 30 brilliant ideas in the shower every morning (compared to my, say, one per decade). The problem is they don’t necessarily know what it takes to accomplish those brilliant ideas. Nor are they usually in the weeds of the team’s day-to-day balancing act.
So how do you respect this person and make the most of their ideas but not let them derail your current goals?
First of all, don’t avoid the person or agree to anything without sufficient information. Instead, corral them. Consider saying something like:
“It's exciting to hear about these ideas! Unfortunately, if we are going to hit Milestone X, we need to stay focused on the current phase of the project.
That being said, I’d love to dedicate 15 minutes of the agenda on our next call to hear more about your thoughts so the team and I can better understand the context. The team will then discuss internally and present you with a few options for proceeding.”
If you don’t have a call already scheduled, include three time slots that work for you and the team and ask the client to pick one. This way, you’re driving the schedule, and the client is still being heard and respected.
Scenario 3: The Fly-Over
Ugh … this one is the worst.
(You’re already nodding your head; I can tell.)
You’re in the zone. You’re laser-focused on a task. And then, without any warning, your client swings by your desk or sends you a message saying, “I need you to run these reports … or prepare a presentation … or data check this 50-page document … before the end of the day.”
Responding to this type of request is an art form, and if you haven’t had to push back against a senior leader before, the first few times may feel really tough. (I remember pushing back against a boss one time and literally wincing when I sent the email! I had to go for a brisk walk to work off the anxiety!)
But this ability is so vital. Remember: if you’re responsible for the goal, it also means you’re responsible for not letting people derail it. Or at least guiding the client to make an informed decision.
Responding to a fly-over request blends the replies to the Ideator and Scope-Creeper. But unlike the first two, you have to respond in a matter of seconds, not days.
First, ask for context: Unless you have an unreasonable boss (if so, re-read the “Grownups Working Together” section), you should ask about what’s driving this particular need at this particular time. Is there a situation you’re not aware of that truly requires this? What are they seeing that you’re not?
Ideally, after a bit of context gathering, you and the client can figure out together whether this task is truly necessary in the requested timeframe.
Second, shoot straight: Let the client know what deadlines would slip if the team dropped everything to accommodate the request. Share this information objectively and calmly; don’t be exasperated or frazzled.
Third, work out the next steps: Now that you both have the critical information, you can work together to determine next steps. Maybe the fly-over request really is that urgent; that’s OK. Things like this happen. Just clearly define what will be impacted because of it. Make sure you and the client verbally agree to next steps.
Last, follow up with an email: No joke on this one. In the heat of the moment, people’s recollections of conversations can be sketchy.
Immediately sit down and email the person something like,
“Thank you for dropping by. Per our discussion, we will take care of your request by COB tomorrow. As I mentioned, however, this will impact X milestone by two days. So, I’ll ensure the other stakeholders know the update to the plan.”
In summary: Communication. Communication. Communication is the key to saying no successfully.
And like I tell my kids: Always speak calmly and kindly. You’ll be surprised at the collaboration that can result.
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